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Transgressive Romance 101: How to write dialogue during sex scenes: With examples of my upcoming Trilogy

I wrote 1 million words last year. It resulted in 4 novels, a collection of short stories, couple of dozen of blog posts. This exclude my writing tasks for work. How I did it?

  1. Wrote about what I knew and was passionate about

  2. Set up a routine and condition myself to write everyday no matter what

Talk about that in another post. But!

What I am writing?

I'm mixing 3 genres normally: Transgressive Fiction, Romance, Science Fiction

Some books has all three elements while some include only two. In my upcoming trilogy I mixed two genre of transgressive fiction and romance. However it sounds similar to Dark Romance but I explained it in another post why I define my genre as Transgressive Romance rather than Dark romance. While writing this trilogy, I faced a lot of difficulties regarding writing Intimate Scenes and dialogue. So, I thought I share what I've learned here with you, including 5 techniques and strategies for writing intimate dialogue that is both authentic and arousing:

You may ask why do I need to add dialogue while their doing it? well, I am a fan of writing explicit content in all my books. Even the ones that were not prodominantly romance or erotica such as Enaro which is a science fiction philosofican novel, and stories in Feminomaniacs that are focused on human mind and moral questioning. The key lies in recognizing that in smutm eroticam dark romance, transgressive romance, it's not just about the physical acts; it's about the characters involved. It's important to understand that each sexual encounter is unique because it involves characters with distinct personalities, preferences, and dynamics. You're not writing just to jerk off to it, you're writing to develop characters and the plot. Dialogue during sex offer a rich opportunity to delve into the characters' relationships, allowing readers to see different facets of their personalities, reactions, and vulnerabilities.

Intimate dialogue is an essential skill for any writer looking to create compelling and sensual sex scenes, no matter what genre you're writing. The dialogue between characters can heighten the emotional connection, build anticipation, and add depth to the intimate moments shared between them. However, when I talk about dialogue is not talking about basic conversations. Imagine they're in misionary style, moaning and panting and all of a sudden you throw a dialogue like this:

"Oh yes. Give it to me! What did your mother told you about me yesterday?"

"My mom said she likes the pie you baked. Oh I'm gonna cum!"

I literary cringed writing it myself!

Well, to avoid such a terrible dialogue, in this post will focus on the dialogue. I plan to write about creating atmosphere, building sexual tension, erotic descriptions and so on in the next few posts. So, for them, stay tuned.

Why do we need dialogue during sex scenes

The main reason of such dialogue is first to seamlessly transitioning from dialogue to intimate scenes. It lies in the careful crafting of conversations that build tension, establish connection, and reveal the unique dynamics between characters. Through verbal exchanges, characters can express desires, tease one another, or delve into shared vulnerabilities, creating a palpable atmosphere charged with anticipation. As the dialogue unfolds, emotions intensify, creating a natural progression towards more intimate moments.

Consider a conversation where characters candidly share their fantasies, express unspoken desires, or engage in playful banter that hints at an underlying attraction. This exchange serves as a catalyst, gradually eroding inhibitions and laying the groundwork for a shift from words to actions. The power of suggestion within dialogue allows the writer to guide readers through a seductive dance, heightening the anticipation until the characters find themselves irresistibly drawn to each other.

Moreover, conversations provide a window into the characters' emotional states, allowing readers to witness the nuanced interplay of passion, vulnerability, and desire. By infusing dialogue with subtext and subtle cues, writers can create a narrative tension that propels the characters towards a climactic union. In this way, the progression from dialogue to intimacy becomes a natural evolution, with each exchanged word serving as a building block for the eventual culmination in a sensual and emotionally charged scene.

Establishing Emotional Connection through Words

Intimate dialogue is not just about the physical act of sex; it is also an opportunity to demonstrate the emotional connection between characters. By using words that convey vulnerability, trust, and desire, you can create a deeper sense of intimacy and authenticity in your scenes. One effective technique is to have characters express their emotions and desires through whispered confessions. These whispered words can be filled with longing, anticipation, and a sense of shared intimacy.

Here's an example from Don Delillo, Underworld;

He whispered, “Let’s make this one last happy farewell fuck.”

Or grunt. We love our male dominate character grunt like an animal.

"Kneel." he grunted through his teeth, "You're gonna feel pain and you're gonna love it!" - from second book of my upcoming trilogy. - cover reveal and title soon ;)

One special pointer: think about how you do it during the act. What do you say? how's your tone and voice? how is your body reactions. Write it as if you're having sex. If you've never done it, please don't write sex scenes. Thank you!

Here's a fantastic dialogue from Mary Gaitskill, Secretary

“You’re not worried that I’m going to rape you, are you?” he said. “Don’t. I’m not interested in that, not in the least. Pull up your skirt.”

I turned my head away from him. I thought, I don’t have to do this. I can stop right now. I can straighten up and walk out. But I didn’t. I pulled up my skirt.

“Pull down your panty hose and underwear.”

A finger of nausea poked my stomach.

“I told you I’m not going to fuck you. Do what I say.”

Here's one from my trilogy book 2;

“What you will do to me today?”

He said nothing but gently kissed and bit my neck, and then murmured, “Things I’ve never done to other women.”

I shivered not because of cold but his voice. Maybe it was his voice I would die for.

Making your characters to express their desires in a vulnerable and honest manner, you can create a powerful emotional connection that resonates with readers.

Building Anticipation and Tension

Intimate dialogue can be a powerful tool for building anticipation and tension in a sex scene. By using suggestive language and innuendos, you can create a sense of anticipation that keeps readers engaged and eager for what is to come. One effective technique is to have characters engage in playful banter and teasing. This can create a lighthearted and flirtatious atmosphere that heightens the sexual tension.

Here's my favorite from Roberto Bolano, Antwerp;

The nameless girl spread her legs under the sheets. A policeman can watch any way he wants, he’s already overcome all the risks of the gaze. What I mean is, the drawer holds fear and photographs and men who can never be found, as well as papers. So the cop turned out the light and unzipped his fly. The girl closed her eyes when he turned her face down. She felt his pants against her buttocks and the metallic cold of the belt buckle. “There was once a word”… (Coughs)… “A word for all this”… “Now all I can say is: don’t be afraid”…

Here's an example from my trilogy book 3;

I grabbed the tie. He looked up, “Bring a chair," I directed. "Place it by the window."

He complied, and then as he moved to close the curtains, I intervened. "No. I want the moonlight."

"These lights are enough."

"No. I need natural light," I insisted, parting the curtains to reveal the radiant half-moon.

"You want him to see?"

"Who?" I countered, repositioning the chair with its back facing the outside.

"The boy."

I removed his shirt. "Sit down."

"Is this what excites you now?" he inquired.

Not as playful as you expect but well, that works. A playful dialogue helps you create a sense of anticipation and excitement that adds depth to the intimate moments shared between characters.

Using Sensual and Evocative Language

When writing intimate dialogue, it is important to use language that is sensual and evocative. By choosing words that engage the senses and evoke vivid imagery, you can transport readers into the scene and make them feel as if they are experiencing the intimacy firsthand. I created a table to summarize as many words as I can fit in it. You can download below.

One effective technique to do so is to use descriptive language to convey physical sensations and emotions. You want to describe the touch, taste, and scent of the characters to create a sensory experience that is both immersive and arousing.

Here's an example by Peter Carey, The Tax Inspector;

He touched her on the forehead between her eyes and ran his finger down the line of her nose. “I’ll make love to you 100 percent safe.”

Here's an example of my first book of trilogy;

He ifted me up and placed me on the crystal table, leaned in close, stared into my eyes. His breath brushed against my skin, carrying the scent of a fruity floral fragrance... He smelled like Victoria’s Secret he was kissing few minutes ago.

Simple yet sensual and evocative language can create a vivid and immersive experience for readers, allowing them to feel the intensity of the intimate moments shared between characters.

Balancing Realism and Fantasy

When crafting intimate dialogue, it is important to strike a balance between realism and fantasy. While it is essential to create scenes that are believable and relatable, it is also important to allow for elements of fantasy and escapism. One effective technique is to have characters express their deepest desires and fantasies through dialogue. This can add an element of excitement and exploration to the scene, allowing readers to indulge in their own fantasies.

Here's a juicy example by Paulo Cuelho, Eleven Minutes;

‘Sit with your legs apart.’

She obeyed — impotent out of choice, submissive because she wanted to be. She saw him looking between her legs, he could see her black pants, her long stockings, her thighs, he could imagine her pubic hair, her sex.

‘Stand up!’

Here's one from the first book of my trilogy;

“I don’t deserve your foot.” He repeated. “I deserve your shoes. Punish me.” He said.

Internal Dialogue

There are many many times that during sex we think more than we express. These are called internal dialogues. The internal dialogues are an effecctive tool to incorporate a sort of conversation that's not outspoken yet expresses the character desires at the moment of intimacy. This provide readers with a direct connection to the characters' innermost thoughts and desires. Incorporating internal dialogue allows you to explore the intricacies of the characters emotions, fears, and unspoken fantasies. It's a window into their vulnerability, offering readers a more profound understanding of the characters' motivations and the intensity of their connection.

Here's a good example from Toni Morrison, The Blue Eye;

He used to come easing into bed sometimes, not too drunk. I make out like I’m asleep, ’cause it’s late, and he taken three dollars out of my pocketbook that morning or something.… I think about the thick, knotty hair on his chest, and the two big swells his breast muscles make.… I pretend to wake up, and turn to him, but not opening my legs. I want him to open them for me. He does, and I be soft and wet where his fingers are strong and hard. I be softer than I ever been before. All my strength is in his hand.

Here's one example from my trilogy book 2;

I remained silent and still as he proceeded to part my legs and lift up my dress. I looked down as he peered between my legs, letting out a loud exhale that made his breaths vibrate. A voice in my head screamed, I am bigger than this. I am better than this. Run away and don’t look back. But despite the nagging feeling, I allowed him to touch me, sending gentle tickles up my thighs.

So by using words that establish emotional connection, build anticipation, evoke vivid imagery, and strike a balance between realism and fantasy, you can create sex scenes that are both authentic and arousing. Remember to stay true to your characters and their desires, and allow their words to guide the reader through a journey of intimacy and passion.

There you have it. All my secrets writing dialougues during sex and intimate moments. If you have more tips and tricks, she it with us in the comments ;)

If you're curious about my trilogy, we can chat about that too. It will come out next year.

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